Letter 19

17^th April 2014

Dear Catherine,

It is the end of the week nearly again as I am having my lunch at work, but it is a long weekend break, with Easter Sunday coming along, so I have four days break to look forward to.  Greek Easter is the same as our Easter this year for a change.  I remember going to a Greek midnight service with you a number of times, especially one year at least 10 years ago when you needed to go to the loo in the middle of the service.  That was going to be a bit difficult as I didn’t know if there was a loo in the church anyway and the church was completely packed with people inside and even queuing outside the entrance.  So I took you out the back way, we found a hedge, you did the business there and all was well.  We got back inside the church and your mum whispered if everything was OK and you said in a loud voice; ‘Yes mum, I went to the loo beside a hedge!’  I am sure the people around would have had a chuckle, but surely they also understood.  I will probably go to the new church in Kingsbury this year, like I did last year.  It is quite beautiful, I am very proud of my involvement with the planning and construction of probably the only new church of any kind in the UK recently and the first Greek Church for many years.  I arranged a visit for a group last summer and Fr Anastasios gave us a very nice and very interesting history of the church community in Harrow.  I am sure you will attend somewhere as well but I expect it will be a different church, maybe in Golders Green or Wood Green.  Anyway, I hope you do go somewhere and have a good Easter. 

My desktop image at present is a photograph of you.  It’s a close up of your head and shoulders; you looking wistfully at the camera.  Your face is in shade but the light to one side glistens slightly in your nice long hair over your shoulders. I like looking at you and sometimes say something to you like; ‘I hope you are good today or bye darling’ as I close down.  It does bring you a bit closer, which is unreal as you are as far away as ever, but as you are my daughter, my youngest daughter, you will always loom large in my thoughts with deep feelings of love for you.  I suppose you don’t understand a dad’s love; it is not demanding, not intense, not intrusive, it is always encouraging, always available to offer help when it is wanted, it is forever, never wavers, will never die whatever happens in our lives.  This is true if I am with you or not, it doesn’t matter, my feelings are always the same.  If you are distressed or hurt, so am I, if you are happy, so am I, if you achieve something in life, like your GCSE results, I am happy for you, but I don’t expect anything back from you.  Your life is what you will make of it yourself.  I am only here to assist you in your life if you want it, but if you are really sure you don’t want my help then so be it.  I would be untruthful if I didn’t tell you I would prefer if I could be with you and return a hug if you wanted one.   

I think about you more and more these days.  Maybe it is because I now have my own flat, which has now been completely renovated.  Well inevitably, there is one bedroom left to decorate and I still need some furniture, but it is very comfortable and I am enjoying the freedom of having my own space for the first time in five years, since we were last together.  There is always a room for you here, again if you ever want, or need one; I imagine you would like to see it and I would love to see you there any time. 

I am afraid I have gone over my lunch time, so I must get back to work.  I hope your schooling and other activities are going well.  I will write soon again,

With all my love for now,

dad  xxx                                                                           at work