letter 17

20th March 2014

Dear Catherine,

I think of you a lot these days, although I haven’t been writing my letters as I intended

to do. You are still as far away as ever, with me sometimes thinking you will never

want to see me again, you will just completely write me out of your life. There has

been no communication between us, so I don’t know what is going through your mind.

I think of that letter you wrote to the judge saying you wanted me to go to prison. It is

so sad and almost unimaginable you would really have wanted me to go to prison, so

much so that I can’t believe you actually meant it. But maybe you did mean it, that I

should be punished, maybe not that you actually wanted me to languish in prison. For

how long, would you have expected, maybe 6 months and then I would have been

reformed, from whatever faults you believed I had. I might have enjoyed being in

prison. It would have given me time to think and clear my thoughts, so I would have

been able to thank you for that. Enough of that, it is history and behind us. The

punishment should fit the crime, so prison wasn’t appropriate anyway. Instead I am

being punished by being kept in a limbo, without contact from you and not able to enjoy

you growing up through your teenage years. I have got to say I loved living with you

up to the age of nearly 12, when we had our split. That is five years ago, like you

disappeared from my life: because you wanted to and I respect that. The reason I am

thinking of you at present is first of all that lovely photo of you at your GCSE end of

school ball given to me by John S last year in July. You looked so lovely and grown

up, but it was the first image I had of you since you were 12 years old. That is a big

chunk of your life! I was so pleased you looked happy and had done so well at in your

GCSE’s. Then in November, for some reason I looked you up on Facebook and saw

some further lovely photos of you, which I downloaded. I actually put one of those

photos in my 2013 year record on my Facebook, in the middle of about 22 of my own,

simply titling yours as ‘Catherine’. When I looked at your account in December, the

photos had been taken down and I was worried you had taken exception to my use of

your photo. At least it was positive if you had actually looked at my account. Then a

few weeks ago, on chance I opened your Facebook again and there were two more

recent lovely photos of you. So I downloaded them and now have a bit of a gallery of

photos of you to enjoy. And I do enjoy looking at your photos. Unfortunately you don’t

come to life, but it is my only hope to be able to have any contact. But I do pray that

you are doing well at school, that you are the caring & loving individual I knew and that

somehow we will be reconciled sometime in the future, hopefully soon.

All my love for now,

dad xxx at work