Letter 16

24^th December 2013

Dear Catherine,

It seems like a long time since I wrote to you.  I knew I did write during the summer, but believe it or not, I have just found it now.  My filing systems went haywire for a bit with the hiatus at work, especially when I lost a pen drive!  I am sitting in my new flat, enjoying the freedom of having my own place again.  I still have work to do here & will tell you about it in my next letter.  I think of you often, maybe every day, often in the morning when I am going to work and I say a prayer for you, that you are getting on well with your life, often when I see a young girl holding a dad’s hand walking along or when I read some misfortune that has befallen some young girl and I shudder to imagine something may happen to you.  Sometimes you appear in my dreams, it always seems so natural that you should be there, even if only in a dream.  Sacred Heart sent me your GCSE results and I was very proud of your brilliant results.  It is good to see you are doing so well academically – I wonder what A level subjects you will choose; also what career you have in mind, or if you would like to go to university.  Whatever it will be, I will support you from my distance, as I am sure you will choose well and will do well whatever you choose.

A parent of one of the girls in your year gave me a photo he had taken of you at the end of year school ball in Summer this year.  Apart from a glimpse I had of you over a year ago, I had not seen any sign of you for the nearly 5 years since we were separated.  You looked beautiful to me, which made me feel good to see how you have grown into an attractive young woman.  I felt you would disappear out of my life and focus completely once you finished your GCSE’s and moved on to 6^th Form College.  As you are over 16, the schools will not communicate with me about you, so I don’t even know what school you attend.  And I have no idea where you live.  I do wonder if you ever think of me – if you do I hope you think well about me.  One of my prayers is that you will want to make contact with me again, and of course, that you do make contact.  It is your choice entirely, but if you do, I will welcome you with open arms and do my best to make up for the gap in our relationship.  You can be absolutely sure I will not be critical of any aspect of your life, rather will want to know all about whatever you want to share with me.  On the flip side there is the rather grim thought that you may never want to hear from me again.  I feel this would be a tragedy for both of us, as I believe we have so much to give each other, but I am aware it is a strong possibility.  I don’t want to go there, so I cling on to the possibility that you will forgive whatever you hold against me and become reconciled.  Yesterday I had a look at your Facebook profile, for the first time.  I was so happy to see lovely photos of you.  I wonder if you ever look at my Facebook profile.  I realise I don’t have photos of myself there as I do not have any photo opportunities these days, but I must correct that in the near future.

I have sent you a Christmas card every year since we split, but I do not know if you received them – maybe not!  This year, I do not even have an address so I can’t even send a card.  In my heart I wish you a very happy & holy Christmas.  As well as all the jollities, it is also a time for reflection about our lives, what we can achieve and of course, our relationships.  I know you as a loving and caring person, so I am sure you will continue in that vein.  I know you have talents I pray you will develop them as you progress through the next year. 

Sending you all my love,

dad

xxx                                                                                                                                                                 home on 24^th December 2013